I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
