I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
