dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
