this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
