And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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