its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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