in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
