Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Found your dick twin last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
