no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love having hate sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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