I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
