does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
