My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize