I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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