she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
