Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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