btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
