The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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