the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
