I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
