Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
