i think my tv is drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
