$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize