dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
