Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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