He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i think i have herpe
just one?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize