Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
