Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
