So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
