It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
