She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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