matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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