READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
