Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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