a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
