omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
