true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
