I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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