Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
