just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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