Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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