WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
