??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize