Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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