I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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