how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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