Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
