I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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