My room smells like vodka and shame
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
