she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
