I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize