he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize