At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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