His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
