she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
