i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
thus making me awesome and them whores
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
