So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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