Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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