Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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