batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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