After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
