When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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