I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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