I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
