ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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