dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
