STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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