Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
