I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
